Bi-Phobia 101

We are seeing an increase in people who are out in the queer community — go team, that is showing an increase in access, knowledge, and safety despite the harrowing political climate we are in. Many have found solace and acceptance in different identities, some that we did not always have a name for but always existed. Yet bisexuality remains under the microscope, inside and outside of the community. Within the queer community, with all the spectrums and rainbow representation, it can be surprising to see such black-and-white thinking.

What is bi-phobia?

“Biphobia is aversion, prejudice, or discrimination directed toward bisexual people or bisexuality as a sexual orientation.” It stems from a societal reliance on binary views of sexuality, and it can show up as harmful stereotypes, invalidation of identity, or deliberate exclusion from both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ communities.

Monosexism is the societal belief that being exclusively attracted to one gender is superior, more natural, or more legitimate than being attracted to multiple genders.

Bi-erasure

Bi-erasure is the denial or minimization of a person’s bisexuality. It assumes a bisexual person is “actually” straight or gay depending on the gender of their current partner. Further erasure can look like falsifying, re-explaining, or writing over evidence of bisexuality.

Bi-privilege?

The general concept is that those who identify as bisexual but are in a relationship that presents outwardly as heterosexual may experience societal advantages. This idea is completely dependent on the relationship and the identity of the partner — relying heavily on the binary of gender, too. It allows navigation of heterosexual spaces… but then there is the fear of coming out, and what about queer spaces? This idea leads right back to bi-erasure. Dating, finding accepting and safe partners, and full self-expression remain quite difficult.

Just a phase?

As part of bi-erasure, there is a view of bisexuality as “just a phase” or “experimentation” that someone will grow out of — landing, eventually, in the straight or gay binary.

Rooted in fear

Clinical theory holds that the fear of being abandoned is a main driver in the existence and survival of bi-phobia and bi-erasure. Many people express fear that their bi partner will cheat or leave them for someone of another sex, paired with a stigma that the partner could not be in a monogamous relationship. This feels so wildly out of their control that it stirs up a fear that there is “something they cannot give,” or that they are “inadequate” — making people feel helpless. And often, people clamour with vitriol when they feel unsafe.

For others in the queer community, we can also see fear at work. The idea of “choice” is a common rhetoric that gets raised — an identity attracted to multiple genders brings choice back into the conversation, or can feel invalidating if it isn’t explored appropriately.

Some people identify as bi as they are still getting to understand their sexuality. Sexuality is fluid, and it is not where everyone lands, but it is a complete truth and identity. Bisexuality does not invalidate other identities.

Internalized bi-phobia is linked with bi-erasure — no matter what partner someone has, their identity gets erased based on how it presents based on that partner.

The stigma, from every direction

Bisexual people face contradictory, no-win assumptions no matter who they’re with:

• Bi women dating women: “a flirt,” “will go back to men,” “has to date a gold-star,” “damaged by men”
• Bi women dating men: “a cheater,” “promiscuous,” “will definitely have a threesome”
• Bi men: “just really gay,” “not ‘a man’ enough,” “not gay enough”
• Non-binary or trans and bi: a tornado of compounded stigma
• And the universal assumption that everyone “just wants attention”

The effect — and who it touches

The effect is a decline in mental and physical health. Bisexual people are often oversexualized (femme lesbians and the trans community also experience a high amount of this, with pressure to be performative), and it strains relationships.

It touches bi people of every gender identity, along with their partners, friends, and families. It creates a massive divide and a lack of belonging and safety in the very community that should feel safe — and let’s not forget, the heterosexual community should also feel safe.